Speak Life to Me

I was invited to a get-together last Saturday night where I heard a family speak on the complications they had with their third child. She was born with a major heart defect. The lady talked about how all the doctors and nurses were being so negative saying that the little girl wasn't going to make it. Every day that little girl proved them wrong and every day they would say she wouldn't make it. Finally the mother put her foot down and told the Doctors that those negative words were not to be spoken in the presence of her daughter any more. Instead the woman wrote scripture and plastered them around her little girls hospital room. When things got scary the woman would begin reading the scriptures out loud over her daughter.

I thought that this was an extraordinary concept. Now I have heard of the "name it and claim it" movement. I am absolutely against this, but I see no harm in hanging on to hope and the knowledge that God can work miracles and that he has made certain promises to us as His children.

This was brought to my mind again this morning when in less than an hour I got severely beaten down over and over again by different people hitting me with their negative and thoughtless comments. I am currently under an immense amount of stress. Between work, buying a house, and moving I am using every last reserve of energy I have. I am struggling with the feeling that now that I am soon to be a home owner I am seriously all "grown-up". Which of course I've known for awhile now, but there's just something about having a mortgage that pops a blazing neon sign in my head that says "adulthood...you have arrived!". This is exciting, but also makes me feel rather melancholy. There were things I had meant to do before reaching this point that haven't happened. This milestone reminds me painfully that the "normal" steps are probably not what God has planned for me, and though I know He is good, I can't help but feel a twinge of sorrow at this thought.

Work is also extremely busy with Spring and Summer activities coming up. This means I am getting hit from all sides with people needing me. Though it is nice to be needed it is also exhausting and with everything else going on very hard to keep track of. It doesn't help that I can make one person extremely happy and then have forgotten something and make another person at best slightly annoyed. It makes for a roller coaster ride of emotions. "YES! I got that all done and they are happy and it looks really good, if I do say so myself" then... "CRAP! I forgot to get that done." The later is usually after someone is asking me where something is and then I have to say "I don't have it yet" and I get the look that is both infuriating and shame inducing.

To try to have a positive time to look towards I, along with some friends, have decided to take a vacation to Florida in 3 weeks. I am looking forward to this trip like nothing else...except for having a house...that is pretty worthy of looking forward to also, but I digress. This trip will be a weeks worth of doing nothing but lying on the beach with an Mai Tai in one hand and a good book in the other. I can not wait!

All these things I've mentioned do actually have to do with my original point believe it or not. With the move being in mid-March I am constantly reminded by some about the trickiness of the weather and how it could be raining or snowing on my move day. This is apparently something they feel they must share with me since I don't have anything else to worry about and might as well worry about the weather too.

With work I am running my tail off trying to keep track of everything I am human so some things slip out of my mind and I drop the ball. Luckily, or unluckily depending how you see it, I have 600+ people right there to tell me when I fail or forget something.

My vacation doesn't even escape unscathed as this morning I was greeted with a "Hey, I heard you are headed to Florida! You know it was 44° there yesterday." . . . really?! That's great! Then I'll sit on the beach in a parka with a Irish creme coffee in one hand and my book in the other HA! Take that you naysayer!

Is it really that hard to speak life to me? Instead of reminding me about the weather; offer to help me move and encourage me that even if the weather is less than sunny that it will work out and the wonderful people who love and care for me will make it work some how. 

Tell me that you understand I've got a lot on my plate and you know I'm working hard and that I am appreciated for that. You can still reiterate that what you need is needed ASAP, but that you know I will try to get it as fast and as excellent as I can.

Be happy with me that I get to take this trip. Talk to me about the beaches and how beautiful and vast the ocean is. If you are concerned about the possibility of chilly weather suggest I take a jacket since the weather has been less than summery lately, but also include that the ocean will still be beautiful and that there are plenty of ocean side places to sit inside while I drink my mai tai and read my book.

I spend most of my life in silence. When I go home I talk to my dog. When I am out in public that is the only time for me to hear positive words spoken to me. I am not the only one. Other singles or widows or widowers live the same life as me. When you see them hug them, if they like it. Tell them how nice they look, take them with you to lunch after service, ask them about their day and listen, ask them about their life, and SPEAK LIFE TO THEM!

Barnes & Noble

So I think I just need to stop going to Barnes and Noble on Saturday nights. You all probably saw my last post about the spill and stare fiasco. Well tonight I went to give it another try and though I didn't spill my coffee (YAY ME!) I did get stared at. by a young man...now before all you wonderful people start getting any ideas let me reiterate the word YOUNG man. We're talking freshman in college to high school. I know that he was staring because his girl friend's friend commented on it which made awkwardness all around due to the way she said it and the fact that we all were in close proximity due to the tiny half wall that is supposed to bring some semblance of privacy. This comment of course meant all involved are now staring at me and all I can think to do is give a smile with the inflection that says ...really?...Now since you are all my friends you will probably say I'm pretty...well I wasn't tonight. I am as grungy as grungy can be tonight. So I ask you, what gives? Also do I emit some type of flashing sign when at Barnes and Noble with a giant neon arrow that reads. "Stare at me and watch hilarity and awkwardness ensue." Because then I would understand and avoid such places. Thoughts?

The Epiphany

I had an epiphany while straightening my hair. lol. While concentrating on not burning myself I was also thinking about prayer. I was thinking about someone who I am worried about. Just by observing them and their behavior I know that God going to have to do something drastic in order to make them realize their need for Him, and I'm terrified for them. I really want it to happen, but I'm sure it will probably hurt. Which makes it hard because I love them, but I know its for their good. So in my praying for them that God would do what needed to be done I also look to myself and think. "Am I ever like that?" and BOOM Epiphany. The whole examine yourself and log in your eye sort of all lined up. In praying "Dear Lord please humble them and show them their need for you." I also pray "Dear Lord please humble me and show me my need for you and where I may be faltering in my walk with you in that way."

It was as simple as that. That way I don't ignore any logs I may have floating around and I still can purposefully pray for someone I love. Because I really do love this person. But it is going to have to be God who changes them. Because I can not. and being the semi control freak I am that is really hard, but I know God wants it even more than I do. Which is amazing to me.

The Conversation

I need to make a T-shirt. Possibly with a link to this blog. That way I don't have to have the same conversations over and over. I can just point to the t-shirt which will direct them to the blog and then we can talk about other things. ---Like World Peace or something like that.

I love the Holidays as much as a child from a divorced family can. Christmas Eve is Dad and Christmas Day is Mom. Everything before and after is a crapshoot. It usually goes better then I would have thought, but I still have those visions of perfect family Christmases in my head.

It seems though, around this time of year, that people feel it is their right and duty to remind me how old, single and obviously miserable I am because of the 2 previous describers. I am 29, and I am Single. But, I am not miserable.

Don't get me wrong. I realize I am climbing towards the top of that mountain known as 40 every day, but so what? When I'm sitting up in heaven on my 3893729 birthday am I really going to be concerned that in one more year I'm going to be 3893730!? Heck no. So what is the big deal. Yes I'm getting older. Yes my body makes funny creaky noises when I move at times and I forget things. But these things are temporary. Everyone gets old and wrinkled and creaky. This is not unusual. The "unusual" part comes with the next describer, SINGLE.

Put the word single out there at 19 and you'll get some glances. Put the word single out there when your 29, and they call out the Yenta Brigade. It is a disease that MUST BE CURED!, because you can not possibly be happy without a husband. Now I'm not one to twist scripture. I know it says that God did not think it was right for Man to be alone, but to this day I never remember hearing the phrase "God did not think it was right for Woman to be alone". Now, obviously I am being a tad ridiculous. I am not bashing men or hating on men. It's just that good Christian men are hard to find and even hard to capture, hit over the head, and drag to the alter...especially while in heels and a wedding gown with a trane.

Now I am being ridiculous. My point is though that for one reason, or another, even though I am 29 and Single I am still happy. I have my sad, silly, why me, moments. But the truth is I would rather be single for the rest of my life than marry the wrong man, because once you're married you're married. There is no Oops factor on this one. Which is part of the charm of being married. You are in it for the long haul. Together. Forever....or until one of you die...which ever comes first.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm just tired of having the same conversation. Yes I'm 29. Yes I know I don't look it. No I'm not married. No I don't have a boyfriend. No there is no one that has "caught my eye" as of late. Yes I have been reassured he is out there. ha ha (fake laugh) Yes when I least expect it he will come. .....Unfortunately "HE" is a constant conversation piece so I don't get time to NOT expect him....I am constantly made to feel like HE is something I'm missing. Like I'm walking around aimlessly and without purpose because "He is not completing Me" I have news for you chickies. I do not need any man or anyone else to "complete" me. I am complete. Jesus makes me complete.

Then they want to know my "type". I can see the wheels working as I list off a few characteristics I would like and they go through their list of single guys they know. Which is either immediately followed with oh you should meet Bob. Bob is really great and he breaths air too just like you. Or, if what I have described doesn't fit any of the guys on their list they say "Well how could You know what You like? Maybe you shouldn't have so many stipulations. You shouldn't be so judgmental."

My thought is this. If God thinks I need to be married it will happen. I will do my part and not be a hermit. I will get out and have fun. Bathe regularly and look cute on occasions and when ever the heck I feel like it, but I will not fret on it and have it consume my every thought and action. How strange would it be for me to be constantly checking out every man I meet with the singular thought of could I marry, kiss, have kids, and live with this man for the rest of my life without wanting to scratch either his or my eyes out at the end of the day. I would much rather just meet people and live my life and if it happens it happens. I think too many people see it as a check to be marked off a list. Graduate (Check), Find Job (Check), Find Mate (Check), Have Offspring (Check) and so on.

Why so much stress and pressure. God is in control. He'll work out the details. I just have to be listening, and following in the mean time. Not waiting to live until I get married, but living now and doing what God would have me do Now. I may never get married. How sad would it be for me to just be waiting and waiting and the entire time God had this Great plan for my life, but I was too busy trying to do what was expected of me that I missed it?

God's plans are always better. ALWAYS.

Hello Hello, I’m at a place called Vertigo…

I have what I think is a problem with my inner ear and boy does it make your equilibrium squirrelly. I want to either feel sick or tip slightly to one side. It is really messing with me.

Guess I’m not that good of a blogger after all seeing that I completely skipped a month. Oh well… Merry Christmas - Happy New Year – Happy Groundhog Day – and any other days in-between that I’ve missed.

Today is going to be a good day…I think. I have tons of stuff to keep me busy at work and I am on my own today. This is bittersweet considering I do have my social times, but right now I just want to get work done. Of course, as I mentioned above, it would be nice to work without feeling like I’m spinning. Oh well Uno Casa Mas. No sweat. I can do this.

The sun is shining! Makes me so happy! And, I think the days are getting longer. This is also a reason for celebration. I have loved winter with its crisp air and feather blankets of snow, REAL snow, but I am looking forward to the pretty green grass and fragrant mosaic spring flowers; the warm sun on my skin and the nice wet earthy smell as the land heats up again.

Enough daydreaming for one day, I need to buckle down and get to work. I will try to be more frequent in my blogging. Just incase anyone out there is interested in the ramblings of my life. Until then smile and be thankful. There is always something.

My Attempt to be a Better Blogger

I really do like the idea of blogging... Kinda talking to no one and everyone at the same time. Prattling on about things in my life like someone is actually out there dying to know. I don't mean this in a negative or "poor me" way. Its just a statement of fact really. So here I go...

I was a bum most of the day. It was extremely nice since I've been going, and will continue to go, nonstop for the rest of the year. I laid in bed and drank Christmas tea, yes there is such a thing and it is magical. Had to get up eventually. I was doing lights today for a special. I think it went pretty well considering I didn't have a lot of practice and they decided to change the lighting 1/4th of the way into the show. I think I did decently and it was a good show. Real Christmassy. Went home and vegged some more and then ran by small group in time to say hi and bye. I had to get to the AV Meeting (AV=Audio Visual). It was nice to hang out with everyone. I forgot how many great older, and I mean that the nicest most reverent way possible, people we have at The Chapel. I've been hanging out with people my age for a while. It was a welcome change. Chatted with people, ate some food and played with some absolutely adorable dogs. Now I'm home and Maggie's jealous so I need to go give her some love and attention. Thanks for reading whoever you are and God Bless!

First attempt ever at blogging

Hello World,
...actually I'm not even sure if the whole world can even read this... Or would even want to for that matter. I don't really consider myself a world class writer. Yet here I am ticking away while I wait for the work buzzer to buzz letting me know I have to get back to it. It's a much pleasanter sound now. The buzzer that is. We shoved paper between the bell and the hammer so its more muffled now. Sooooo much better. There is a glass door, the only window there is, that I can see out of. It is a beautiful late summer day outside. I want to be out there so bad. the sun is shining, there is a slight breeze rustling the leaves in the trees. *sigh* And I'm stuck in here for another hour and a half. I like my job though...usually. I'm a graphic artist for those who didn't know. So most of my work day is staring at a computer screen and talking to people on the phone. Most of the talking is usually cheerful. Every so often I get a crabby one, or someone who is convinced that the colors snot green and mustard yellow makes for the best impression. Ewww! Sometimes I win, sometimes I just close my eyes and press print. Well the buzzer has buzzed and I gotta go. Hope you enjoyed my first attempt at blogging. With any luck there will be more.